i feel so sick thinking about friday.
this whole train rush of emotions is starting to make me feel dizzy.
i dont know what im feeling or how im feeling.
friday friday.
that would be the day.
im feeling so sick u know why.
not cos im scared or anything. i mean, i am.
but more because the thought of giving him up just makes me feel so terrible inside.
that horrible pang in my heart, that ache growing bigger every second.
no one would ever understand this feeling i have towards him not even him himself.
no one can tell me to give him up if they had went thru this themself.
they would know its not easy giving up 3 years.
and no one can ever guess how exactly im feeling.
dizzy sick scared sad. everything bad perhaps. i cant even begin to understand this feeling.
i really dont wanna give him up. that thought alone makes things seem much harder.
i cant even begin to imagine how'd it be like.
yet i know i have to give up, cos if not, i might just go flunk my As.
God knows how badly im struggling right now.
i dont think im strong enough to survive this whole ordeal.
i just want out.
why cant i just elope. or just get hit by a car and go to heaven like right now.
this is really really too painful for me to handle.
and the thing is, even after i talk to him, would it help.
i dont know. i dont think so.
this is getting intensely pain and i really wish i could just vanish.

i have nothing left to say.