"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

obviously he never was. heck. whatever.
i really have had enough of this nonsence shit thing im in.
i do not wanna lose my appetite and all that.
i dont wanna feel sick just at the thought of him
im scared shitless.
city hall. friday. four pm.
thats all of what life means to me now.
i really dont care how fucking pathetic i sound.
ive never been in this kinda lousy position before.
might as well savour it while it lasts huh.
just had a talk with mad on the phone just now.
its amazing how similar our situations are.
amazingly, since saturday, no more tears have been shed.
just time wasted stoning. spacing. staring out of the window.
wondering. thinking. u'd think it'd stop at this stage.
this is getting to be beyond a joke.
never thought i get caught in this sorta situation.
i'd say its time for a fling.
to help forget.
but God knows when the music fades, the dancing stops, the drinks subside.
there it'l be. i'l stil have to face the music.
those are but temporal.
my tummy is hurting like shit now.
that scared assless feeling.
feeling sick so sick.
i must contact gera soon.
am talking to him online now.
went out with char just now. we had a long talk.
about everything. did something to her apple.
stupid egoistic bastard. thinks he is so hot.
BLEAGH. EWW. DOUBLE EWW. SHORT MORE LIKE.
okay sorry charity. haha. dont mind me.
am irritated w his disgusting habits.
u knwo waht i mean by that. haha.
i hope he knows he's not that HOT now or WONDERFUL.
stupid flirt more like. okay. enough about him.
dont wanna waste space talking about this kinda disgusting pple la right char?
description of him: SHORT, NOT GOOD LOOKING, SHORT SHORT SHORT. BALD.
haha. pardon my criticism. im just trying not to space anymore.
im desperate not to stone. enough stoning for has been done to last me one whole lifetime.
back to apple. i think he must be stunned. bet u his ego has burst.
okay la, not so bad la. we jsut did something mild.
but he dares to do anything im just gonna give it to him in his flat face.
okay. shall not insult anymore. whale's not exactly mr hunk.
god. ive gotta stop thinking of him.
the thought of cutting him out of my life
pushing him out is hurting me more than anyone can ever know.
its there like a constant droning in my head.
i cant quite imagine doing something without thinking of him.
or just not involving him in my life.
not that he was ever involved.
but i think u must know, that whatever i do, its mostly cos of him?
or maybe just for my studies.
i think im obsessed. perhaps.
but who cares. cos after friday. maybe just maybe everything would go right.
cut him out and move on.
im really at wits end.
no one can ever guess how much pride i gave up.
training of my character maybe. i dont know.
collin said i have an arrogant bitch face. wtf!
he has a unfreindly face larh! haha.
collin, u know i do have a sweet face. admit it. hahaha!
and u're not cute.
whatever i am now i guess would fade after friday.

friday. my childish dreams of superman i guess must now fade into what they are. dreams.