a lot has been running through my mind.
a ghost of will in school.
and no matter how much i told myself i wouldnt be affected
i ended up kinda sad.
no matter how hard my resolve, i never win will.

we were doing our appreciation for people in class.
and it hit me
like i realised how important it was to impact somebody's life.
lay htoo and melissa both thanked caroline. and some thanked steph.
and then i realised that these are real people.
people with good looks, brains as well as a good character and personality.
they were patient with others and kind to them.
and i really wanna be like these 2 big sisters of mine. and as cute as esther gay! haha.
and we all agreed that if we could pick a mother from class, it'd be aunt judy.
she too is beautiful on the outside and in.
i mean she's rich and probably has a maid but she still chooses to go all out in doing chores.
unlike a certain somebody *ahem* who just did a bit.
and so, today and yesterday's lunch talk really impacted me.
i never really got it when people told me that beauty was all about the inside.
i mean i did but i'm still understanding more about it.
all my life, it was always about the outside.
how fat i am what clothes i don't have what new bag i need how that girl looks etc
and yesterday and today i realised all this do not matter as much as if I model Jesus
i've found 3 really good elder sisters in steph carol and esther (:
thanks for these 3 days together (:
i've learnt so much from the 3 of you just from observing
let's just hope i apply what i learnt. ahaha.

the ghost looked so much like will
i almost cried in school
i don't even know why
cause i can just walk past the real will but not feel anything
but after talking to his lookalike i feel so drained

see. so many thoughts.
i feel as though im carrying the whole world on my shoulders.
i don't like the way i am
and once again, the ghost of will haunts me.
i have no more fight in me.

there's so much more i wanna say
but for now it shall remain as jumbled thoughts in my head.
so many questions about who i really am. cause i don't even know.

to end on a happy note, I'M GOING TO BATAM ON FRIDAY (:
haha. well you'll know whether i survive the hill on sunday (:
to my 4 girls in band- i miss you so much.

you're everywhere to me