im back from thailand.
and i must say that it was a truly wonderful exhilarating experience.
there's so much i wanna say but so little time to write it all down here.
so many thoughts in my head.
so many things i regret not doing.
this is a summary.
i loved the shimmering blue sea.
the island hopping.
the sunburn.
the cliffs and caves.
my D&G sunshades.
my pink roxy cap.
my blue windbreaker.
the kayaking in the open sea.
the bright blue nails against my neon pink slippers.
the braids and beads.
the thai food.
the thai people.
the foot massage.
the hotel breakfast.
that two.
taboo!
the slow pace of life.
and it is all coming to an end now.
and i can't take it.
cos after this friday my life will be so bleak.
studying endlessly.
all the time, i feel like giving up knowing that i alr lost my fighting spirit.
i wanna go back to thailand and live there.
God knows the reason.
i loved it too much to come back.
its heartbreaking.
i hate the buildings, the fast pace, the pressure and the spectacles that everyone wears in spore.
i told mum to leave me there and collect me next year when they go back.
i keep minus-ing one hour from my time.
its like we have 25 hrs over there.
i regret not doing something so badly.
how i wish this was one week ago.

and when the braids are undone, the tan fades and the blue nails are erased, that's when
the last remnants of thailand are gone and reality sets it.
i can't bear the thought.

viva la on friday. i dont know what to feel.
i only know its my last band prac today.
and i wont get to see much of mad and sab anymore.

and thru it all, i realised i have a fickle emotional heart. easily falling in and out of love.
holding, clinging on so tightly knowing there is nothing left, that there's n point.

charlene asked me to wake up from my fairytale fantasy land and face reality.
that im 18 not 8.
once again i wish to be older. it seems that everyone good is older so why cant i be older too.
i wanted to be your special teenager. not your typical bimbo.
not the one who's always having fun.

hold my hand.