wed was good. seeing my 5 fellow slackers in meridian made me smile as usual. i didnt get to see bob or soft toy ): buts its okay. i saw soft toy yest. am really happy with my results. C6. i thought i would fail since i skipped most lessons and didnt attempt to do any work or studying. but its chinese. there's just nothing to study. met some stupid perv on the train who attempted something with his camera. i think camera phones shld be sold only to girls. so that those cheap pervs outside wont misuse the bloody things. bleagh.
sailing was great fun yesterday. i got sea sick. how sickening. i almost vomitted 3 times. but i guess, if u dont eat anything, there's nothing to vomit right? if i had vommitted, i really wish all the best to the fish in e sea. jeremy kelvin james and drey were so caring. i feel touched. hahaa. and i feel bad cos i was like a wet blanket, no pun intended. just sitting there. i couldnt eat and drink and WATCH. i couldnt enjoy the music and the sun and sea. argh. it was sad. but i somehow stil had fun. it was nice seieng the MJcians. esp soft toy! i got unevenly burnt cos of my sleeping position. yes, i slept on the boat. again. i promise im getting seasick pills. im not letting such a perfect chance go to waste again. but anyway, my whole face was redder than a lobster and one side of my leg is burnt. hahaas. so funny. but i put some cream on it so my face looks normal now. i love nuskin for that. whoever invented that must be a genius! i love love jeremy's TRUCK. hahaa. he insists on us calling it that. but its sorta like a jeep. really cool for a guy to drive around. and the music was nice. (: it was nice helping out tho in e end i didnt do anything cos of my sickness. bleagh. was really happy to see drey. its been ages! so much to catch up with her. and i met my long lost disappearing instructor kelvin tan. after 6 years? AMAZING. i thought he migrated or something. he looks the same. stil looks young. ha ha.

today church was alright. but, somehow, subconsciously, i find myself toying with the idea again. its so attractive, so tantalising. but i know my mummy would kill me. okay maybe not her. she thinks i shld do it. so shld i? there's nothing for me to lose. i just read rachel's blog. saw a picture there. i have nothing to say. but i somehow feel sad. he talked to me today. it didnt make a difference anymore. cos as i told jo, im giving up. he doesnt believe me. of course he doesnt. i dont believe myself too. come on. who am i kidding. but i have to. rightt. maybe in ten years. maybe he stil sees me as that flaky materialistic super slacker rubbish LITTLE girl who cant grow up. i dont know. i'l never know. he'll never know that im a teeny bit better cos he'l never give himself the chance to see who i am. somehow, i realised, in the midst of everything, he never did get to know the real me. so all he sees is that facade. that stupid girl who doesnt know anything. doesnt care about studies and about people. that childish nonsensical girl. he'l never know. and i guess we'l never get a chance. so i guess i shld just leave. cos its obvious that given a choice btw helmet and i, he would choose helmet. after all she's more hardworking and godly. who am i to compare. i guess im just tired of holding on and hoping. believing in things that can never be.
to my darling mad: we're 2 brave souls on the earth. u know why.

people like superman dont exist, why is it that children stil believe?