sometimes, i dont know ifwhat im doing right now in life is right. but then again, there's no right or wrong is there? i just wanna sleep. and never wake up. or wake up and find myself in heaven. but then, there's no such shit as sleeping and never waking up is there? i dread everyday so much. living is torture. i can go out there and shop til i drop, til some sales person can ask if i just finished a marathon but there's no more satisfaction. i look at all the useless stuff that ive bought. all the material wants. and i dont see their worth anymore. they make me happy for but a while. i shop before school. after school. and buy and buy and buy. i feel the adrenaline rush when i step into a shop and look at their racks and racks of clothes. and stacks of shoes. their gorgeous bags and beatiful books. and i buy. for that momentary satisfaction. just to put everything aside for awhile. but when im alone in my room once again, i look at everything. and its just lying there. there's simply no meaning. so let me ask you, what on bloody earth am i here for. why cant we all just fade away as and when we like. its just heartaching here. everything just blacks out. and i just wanna run away to some remote island out there and never come back. i dont know if i can make it. this time i have to. but i have no more strength. i dont know who i am or what i wanna be or why on earth im here. i wish god chose some other baby to put here. instead of me. everything to me is jsut a facade now. and one day, when everything fades to black, it'l jsut be me and me alone left. then what would i do?
in the end, we all die. and then what would be the use. so really, what is the important thing in life? what are those things that we have to treasure? family? friends? what? definitely not studies. cos there's no worth. everyone slogs their guts out for that one cert. then we all go out into the freaking world and work and work and pay and pay. and then we die. we might as well not have started out at all.
this heartache is growing bigger and bigger.
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