im really so tired.
of running this never ending race.
probably not even running. im more like walking. or crawling already.
i tried to be strong. but i didnt make it. i failed. happy?
the pressures of life finally caving in and catching up on me.
for the first time in my life, i'm feeling so suffocated so sick.
and when i say i wanna run away, i mean it.
but i need to prove mum wrong, i need to show her i stil have the fighting spirit left in me.
just like daddy has.
i know they're both very disappointed in me.
and somehow i have to prove to them, i am stil that little girl they knew.
the one who had fight in her, who managed to persevere.
but perhaps all that disappeared when he walked out of my life.
waking up everyday's a chore. i am feeling drained, so drained.
i know i've been relaxing too much, sleeping too much.
but yet i am stil not satisfied, i'm left feeling as tired as ever.
can i just fuck it and get lost.
is it possible to run out of my own life.

you're going thru a hard time too.
and i wish i knew what to tell u. how to comfort you.
all i can say is that somehow we'll pull thru together with God.
but please, don't make the same mistake of giving him up.
cos i really dont want u to regret this.
but i guess, u're like me. heart over head.
and whatever it is, whatever that happens, i'll always be your moronic twin princess.
i look forward to november.
when we can only look back on all this unhappiness and laugh at it.
when all this rubbish in our lives wil be like snow melting under the sun.
til then, i guess we have to cling on tightly to heavenly father and know that somehow, we'll be safe in his embrace. even if we dont have happy endings.
i guess when we trust everything to God, all things work for good.

i look back on the whole of this year, and i realised life has never been worse.
and i can only say i await the end. a happy end i hope.
i look forward everyday to december.
everything's proving to be a far bigger obstacle than i expected.
yesterday i was so lost. and i finally did something i havent done for quite long.
i prayed and i begged my abba father to just bring me thru this.
and a miracle happened. and for that i am encouraged and thankful.
its like a light in an otherwise dark tunnel that keeps u going just when u are about to break.
and for the pple sent in my life to help me- esp miss lew and mummy.
their advice is so precious to me.
sigh. take me away please somebody. fly me to heaven.

i believed in dreams and fantasies that could never come true.
while walking home, a sudden flashback of your face which i had somehow forgotten.
that slight stubble and gentle brown eyes.
bring me back to you. please.

an ocean apart